he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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