Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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