what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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