oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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