I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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