I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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