Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish you could order shots online.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
