Will you blow on my dice?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
