Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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