I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
