12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
try to milk me bitch
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