I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
