Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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