Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
