Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
