When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
