i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
