I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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