pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
