I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
