i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
being pregnant is like rehab
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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