Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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