That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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