We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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