so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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