Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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