two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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