my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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