Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
