you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
