No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My ass is underappreciated
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
