so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
