Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do vagina's smell?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
