put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
