Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
