Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
