Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
