We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
