As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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