This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
