Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
