Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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