I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize