Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
