Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
