When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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