Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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