My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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