She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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