so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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