I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
