You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
