you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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