I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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