Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
