Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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