My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
