I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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