please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
