found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
