I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Send help, water and tortillas.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
