fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize