Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
