if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
