Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize