So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
