Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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