and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
