I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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