I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
