It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
