my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
