ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize