Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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