Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Enjoy the penises
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
