Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
third nipple confirmed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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