im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
