Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
