I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
