God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
