So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
