I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
