I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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