i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
