I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
