I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
