he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
